I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
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