All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
