Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
