all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Did I show you my penis last night?
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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