Do you still have your period?
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
