I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
