Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
