It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Someone came in the potted fern
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
