Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Randomize
