I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
