I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You pole danced in your parka.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
They have beer where we have blood.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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