i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
