I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
