He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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