I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
