You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I should be sponsored by Trojan
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
