Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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