I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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