Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
