is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
