is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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