How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
