is your mom at the bar?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
