fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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