I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
