the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
