Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
