Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
