kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
