And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
