i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Randomize
