Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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