ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I forgot how hot balto sounded
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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