it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
