pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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