i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
