just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
