we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Randomize
