I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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