Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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