I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
