Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
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