he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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