the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My bed smells like the plague
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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