dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
