P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Randomize
