I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
