:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
