two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
