I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
