spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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