Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
