so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
