Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
