just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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