$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
