They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
