girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
