Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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