I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
