When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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